https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttKnLwwHlig
Almost at the end of January, I started to fast and pray about what God wants me to do at least for the coming two years. I was kind of nervous about how limited time I have for this decision and I haven’t heard any direct answers from God. This is a question I keep asking God from the beginning of the ISEED program, what is his vision on me? And his “indirect” answers are leading me to get more close to him.
Actually, I didn’t experience that much love from God until I came to US even though I witnessed a lot of great works of Holy Spirit and got countless answers from my prayers. I used to unconsciously acknowledge that I have to do good on what God wants me to do and never sin again or I will get discipline from Him. The same feelings I had while I was praying in January. I asked myself deeply on these options in my life what’s their functions for God.
One morning, I met with my mentor who is also a lawyer and I told her what I am struggling now. She shared her experiences with me and told me that these options are all right ways and God is pleasing on choosing either of them. He values my heart more than the things I do. I was immediately hit by the Holy Spirit and felt his love surrounding me. I also shocked by this sentence I said to others many times before but I always forget on my own. She said treat yourself more gently. I suddenly remembered how God comfort me last year when I got exhausted on reaching out to people around me. He using the words from a law school student in other state I never met but only did email negotiation for school assignments together. He said that he felt I were humble in representing my qualifications and I had genuine attitude. He advised that I keep my genuine attitude in future, it will take me far! I was so shocked by how can he feel these attitudes only through the email without my own sense. And I heard that God said to me, if you keep your genuine heart and your friends can also feel it in different ways. After that, I feel I was refilled by his love and the love ability is not from myself anymore.
Thanks for the reminder of how great he loves me. Even though I am still waiting and praying for God’s direct answer but I am more confident and release about the answer from the deep of my heart because I am refilled by HIS GREAT LOVE, what else I can be afraid?