By placing me in the ISEED program, God has been renewing and transforming my mind using his words and his people. I did not know that I was still living a life with an orphan heart until God revealed himself and his wisdom so many times during this month.
I was struggling with having a regular quiet time with God since I became a Christian last year. I liked to study his words in Bible study, pray with others, and share his Gospels, but I had a challenging time in communicating with God one on one. I have been questioning my faith and feel frustrated. This month, I went through the series of classes My Identity in Christ and our church was in the series of Knowing the Father’s heart. The pastor asked us serval questions before he started the sermon: “Do you usually suffer from the feeling of sadness? Do you usually have the feeling of being abandoned? Do you feel secure in Christ? …? ” With all the negative answers in my head, I realized that I didn’t view God as my heavenly perfect father, and was still living the life with an orphan heart. With a broken relationship with my earthly father, I was projecting my fear of communicating with my earthly father to my heavenly father.
One of the Saturday nights I was desperately praying to God because I was surrounded by the feeling of sadness and hopelessness again. I got a message from God, that I was already adopted as his daughter. The peace was delivered into my heart, and I wrote down these in my journey book: “Lord, I know that I’m not an orphan anymore. My new Identity is in Christ now.” The next day I went to church joyfully, and the sermon was surprisingly about the story of adoption, the exact message that God told me yesterday. “In love, he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.” (Ephesians1:5) I know clearly that God was speaking to me. I felt so relieved because now I know the Holy Spirit is going to win over the feeling of being an orphan if we stay in Him.
“And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” – Romans 5:5
Romans 5:5 is truly an encouragement to everyone who is suffering from living in an “orphan” life. My prayer is really that God is going to use my story to bless and comfort other people who are seeking his love. Specifically, God is giving me a role in facilitating weekly bible discussion group, which includes students and young professionals who are seekers and young Christians. I thank God for these people and pray that they will continually seek and find Father’s love.
