Last month has been a month full of praying about the next step after ISEED program. Gratefully, I went through this discerning process with the Lord. Though the process looked relatively long and confusing, I was able to learn a lot more and felt freer from wandering between choices and possibilities. I wrote down this on my journey: I have been praying for clear ‘calling’ and making the ‘right’ choice for so long since January, but I guess I need to understand what is ‘calling’ and what is ‘right’ first.
What is our ‘calling’? This is probably one of the most frequent questions people are asking. I was focusing on praying about whether working in business or working in campus ministry is my next step, or so-called ‘calling’. When times flew by, I only found that I was interested in both. I asked God: what is the path that You wanted me to go? I was confused and didn’t know how to make a decision when both doors were open. One regular Thursday morning – my Sabbath morning, I picked up After College, the book I went through with other seniors at InterVarsity during my last semester at college. I didn’t know what I was looking for at that moment, but then one paragraph just jumped into my mind: “When we think we have to find one “right” calling nugget in a deep river of choices, we may fail to steward our here and now lives for God. If we think instead in terms of faithfulness in each of our many stations, we can look and listen daily for ways to steward every area of our lives.” (Reitz, P163) I was in tears when I read it again. The confusion, uncertainty, and bitterness – all negative emotions in my heart recently were unfolded. Wandering between choices and being afraid to choose made me hard to focus on what God has put in my heart and be attentive to His voice. I felt distant from the Father because I am focusing too much on if one choice is my right calling. Instead, there’s no single choice can fulfill our whole-life calling. “As Schultze says, ‘There is no single calling, one-track plan, or changeless career for our lives.’” (Reitz, P164) One take away from After College for me is that instead of seeking for His plan and my future path, I want to focus on understanding the Father’s heart, and being in line with His heart and His will in my everyday life. Knowing His heart can help me make choices with faith instead of worry about consequences when different doors are open.
I am thankful for the loneliness I went through. When I say loneliness, I mean being far away from the Father, instead of being alone or being away from group activities. In fact, I know I am not alone that so many friends are praying for me and trying to help me find more resources. One simple but not easy lesson I learned from this loneliness process is that focusing on building a close relationship with the Father is the priority and key to my life. I know the Father has given me the passion to work with students since college, I know He starts doing deep healing work in me during this internship year, and I know He has helped me built critical relationships here in Columbus. Knowing what He has given to me and His heart helps me decide to work full-time in campus ministry the next few years. My prayer is that I can stay in His love and walk with the Father faithfully in my everyday life, and no matter what I do for full-time.
Reference:
Reitz, Erica Young. After College: Navigating Transitions, Relationships, and Faith. InterVarsity Press, 2016.