“No matter what kind of ministry, or what kind of job that we are doing, the first and foremost thing is having a close relationship with the Father.” This month, I started to ask myself this question: If I don’t have a close relationship with Him personally, then who am I actually honoring through my work in this world?
This month, ISEEDers started the discipleship class. We are reading a series of book called MasterLife written by Avery W and Kay M. The contents of Book 1 include 6 weeks of study: “Spend time with Master”, “Live in His word”, “Pray in Faith”, “Fellowship with Believers”, “Witness to the world”, “Minister to Others”. I didn’t think about the importance of the sequence, until I actually went through the first three weeks of study, and started to examine my own faith. I realized that without spending time with Him and in His word, it’s hard for me to witness the world and minister others. Though it sounds so obvious, I just found myself so focus on the work that I would leave no time to spend time with God personally. Does that mean that I don’t love Him? I don’t think so, but what’s wrong here?
I didn’t find the answer until I heard the sermons about knowing Father’s heart at church. I realized that my images of our Father are wrong. God, I do love you, so I tried hard to do the work that You told me to do, and I think that’s the response to your love. However, my relationship with You is not based on how well I perform in this world but based on how close we are and how much I understand your purpose in me… “There’s no fear in love, and perfect love casts out fear… We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:18 -19 really states how the perfect love should be. I just realized that my love to God is still fear-based – fear of not being able to impress Him if I don’t do well enough. But, what the Father really wants is a fearless and close relationship… Like how he was walking with Adam in Eden when He first created Adam.
I realized that my image of relationship on this earth influences my image of the perfect relationship with the heavenly father. I remembered how I longed for spending time with my parents when they sent me to the boarding schools when I was 12 because they were too busy at work. My reaction to that was to work as hard as I can at school, to impress them and catch their intention. And I knew that reaction was with fear and sadness. I got used to responding love in this way and until now, I am still doing that both to my earthly parents and heavenly Father… I remembered that my mom told me how she just wanted to have a short talk with me to know that I was good when I was too obsessed with school. I am so afraid to disappoint them, but forget that what they want most is the close relationship with me. Though there is brokenness in the relationship on this earth, I still feel that our parents or our spouse’s love to us should base on our performance, not to mention how is God’s perfect love to us…
So, Father, I pray that you would reveal any wrong beliefs that I have on you, and I would always stay in your words joyfully. I will really build the intimacy with You so that I can do the work in this world to fulfill Your purpose in me. Amen.